I went skiing in Utah the week before going to Philly to study with David. It had been a while since I had skied on a "real" mountain. I grew up skiing in Colorado but that was many years ago, and my most recent experience was on the East Coast mountains in West Virginia...not really the same thing. Anyway - I was nervous...hesitant...unsure about the wisdom of doing this right before going to Philly where I knew I would be expected to really bring it on my mat each day. But that is the way it worked out on the calendar so away we went! The first day of skiing I was a little uneasy..."no big deal" I thought..."it's been a while, let yourself settle in"...But the next day and the next, I continued with my hesitation, fear, and resisting the commitment to pointing my skis downhill. I was in a place of "No"...as in "no, I won't go over that cliff and fling myself down this giant mountain!"..."no I don't want to go so fast!"..."no I don't trust my body to know what to do if I get going too fast" You get the idea. As a result, it took a long time to get down one slope; my body ached at the end of the day from all the gritting of teeth and squeezing the life out of my poles (what were they going to do for me anyway??), and leaning back against the pull of gravity.
Fast forward to Day one in Philly with David G...still in a place of "No", and feeling every bit of resistance in my body for that whole first practice - Resistance to the heat and proximity of so many bodies...resistance to the poses - especially the ones that require a steadfast commitment and focused movement (Bhakasana, Pincha Mayurasana, Karandavasana, etc) - the ones that require strength and confidence. My body felt achy and tweaky, and I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to settle in and get something out of this workshop. David saw this and from the very first day and pounced. "No, Stacy" "Go straight up - no hesitation!" "All the way-straight legs!" His instructions to me at the end of practice were to work inversions - a lot - like setting a timer and staying for a while in headstand, forearm stand, etc. And the theme for adjustment clinics and Asana Kitchens during our week was in that same vein. He talked about "Falling Into the Gap" (described
here quite eloquently by Peg Mulqueen), and also about exploring the opposing forces in practice and finding the middle point, and getting there with precision and commitment each time - eliminating all other possibilities in our minds - no futzing around! He had us becoming Pincha Mayurasana "machines" - practicing coming up and down many times, over and over, like machines, till it was ingrained. Then adding the action of bringing the legs into lotus with precision...then lowering into Karandavasana like "machines!" Sure there were some spills, and some groans of frustration...but I came away with much more confidence and comfort with the pose, and feel as if it is much more possible not only to come into the pose with confidence and precision, but maybe even someday come out of it!!
Practice each day became a little easier, a little smoother...my body and mind resisting the practice less and less. I received a few "Yes, Stacy's", and "correct!" and found myself looking forward to getting started each day on my mat. David has asked me to practice Third Series (as much as he gave me) on a consistent basis until I see him next, and I will. Practice since I've been home has been more focused, less distracted by fear and resistance - though not easier! - and I look forward to continuing practice and seeing David in September. YES!
